Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence. Or insanity. – Richard Kadrey
26th February 2019, a reminder popped up on my Facebook feed about the blog post I wrote last year. Just then I realized it is my 3rd year anniversary of leaving my comfortable corporate job. Every year I have celebrated this day, but this year I forgot. Forgot for good? Maybe! It seems like a sign that I have detached from the strings.
How is this life been away from the city, family, and friends? Everyone asks-I cringe a little and smile, saying it’s okay. No, that’s not the answer they expected and that’s not the answer I expected either. I was very hopeful when I left the job that I will be happier than I was before, more satisfied with life than I was before, more sorted with relationships than I was before.
But life had other plans; I have spoken about this in a long post before so I am not getting there again. If you would like to read, here it is! Silence in the air.
Here is a snippet of these 3 years, Bright and Dark side of this life.
After I left the corporate job and traveled a bit, I started working in the mountains. I lasted for 2 and a half months as it got hectic than I ever thought. In fact, I had more time in a corporate job to write than I had here. My blog was rotting and I hadn’t written in months, one day I went to the owner and said I would like to quit as I am unable to find time for writing.
Now again, I am with mountains. It’s been a year, it’s the same again; after I came here I stopped writing again but I indulged myself in many of my other favorite likings: dancing and sketching. There was a constant unexplained void though, that I am unable to find time for writing.
I am not in a polluted city cramped up in the AC ducts, working on some meaningless excel files. I work with the mountains breathing fresh air and still work on excel files though but the ones filled with meaning (I mean it).
Every morning I wake up to a different view, sometimes to the sun shining right through the window and sometimes to the dark clouds and sometimes to heavy wind and sometimes to rains.
On bad days/stressful days, on the days when I feel if I made the right decision of moving to mountains-all I have to do is make a coffee or hot chocolate and stare at mountains. That answers my doubt, for that day.
Out of many things I disliked in a corporate job, gossiping, biased decisions by peers/seniors was the most difficult situations to handle. With or without knowledge, we often get into this loop of “gossips”. After I left the job, I assumed that I will never get into this Black Hole (Gossips) again. I was wrong, I had forgotten that I will be dealing with humans wherever I go, be it mountains or beach or road or corporate job. It took me a lot of time to accept that this “Black Hole” situation is normal and it is a common trait that humans carry. (As I write this, I am feeling uncomfortable as I have not yet found the answer to why humans (including me) do this, existential questions you see)
There are always contradictions with everything we do, there is always a bright and dark side with everything we do. We just got to accept which dark side is more comfortable to be with and which dark side leads to the brighter path.